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It's true that it did less well upon its publication in , but I stand by that work regardless. Paul Bowles once treated me to a baked hash tagine in the secret gay souk of Marrakech. And I am high as I write this right now. Drugs, I have done. Sometimes only a magic dose can bring that novel home. I happened to be in the Bay Area researching an article about the history of masturbation for the London Review of Books, so I accepted the invitation immediately.
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HIV was the catalyst that led to my interest in spirituality: the threat of death led me to search for meaning in life. I left my job, got my debts written off by telling the bank I was leaving the world, and turned my mind to the big question — why, I asked for the first time in my life, did I exist in the first place? I had held a firmly rational, materialist, atheistic view since the age of 12, but now, at 30, an understandably urgent need for spiritual answers arose in me. I began to open my mind and heart to the possibility of something more, to the possibility of a purpose behind our apparently random existence here on planet earth, to the idea of a beneficent divine presence giving rise to that existence.
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